This Negro Here....

Im at the craziest point in my life. Like feel grown,but I feel confused. Cnnfused about all the decisions that I have to make within the next couple of months. 2011 is upon us yall. Like its coming, and everyone needs to step their game... foreal. Like,THIS IS NOT A GAME .

Its crazy because, my habit has died down, and I have been able to understand myself more.Understand  life more......... without the outside mess. Gotta watch my words carefully because, I never know who reads this. I pause for a min, just to get into my thoughts correctly and give you guys a little more imformation about me.

One of the biggest trials now, is the new guy that's in my life. This dude has me wrapped up like no other. I mean, I know I shouldn't be putting all my business out there like that, but hey....this is my book, and I will write it the way I want.

Anyway, this new dude got me goin hard. Now,he has everything that I have ever prayed for in a man,  execpt  for communication skills. And  it is annoying, because I normal cut dudes off if they lack commmunication. I'm BIG on communication.  That's why most relationships fail......because of the LACK OF COMMUNICATION!

Call me  crazy, but I would like to talk to my dude once every day or so. He can go days without talkin to me!!! How does he do it? I mean like, he tellS me, I am what he wants, and he acts like it for the most part, but this one part is just messin EVERYTHING up!

I try to back off, but it just seems to make things worst. I try not to complain, but it just seems to make things act like nothings wrong..and that is just WAY to much tension for me. So  what do I do?? I tell him I love him, that I am going to tackle with him,  he gets on my nerve, and treat him like a friend until he gets his stuff together.

He doesn't like being called my friend, so I wonder how long this will last. I know he is it, so I'm trying to give him his distance and work this out. Surprisingly, I am still able to do my thing in school, bussin out the pretty  grades.  I'm proud of myself for that one, because  that means that I am growing  up.

So far this growing up thing is working for me. I can't  wait for it to happen in July. But right now, my  only dilemma in life is the battle between the real me, and the me that wrapped up in this dude so tight.